Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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