I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Even my vagina gasped.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
