i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
