Small penises have feelings too.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
