so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
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