dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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