My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
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This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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