Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
