So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
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Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
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He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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