Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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