just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
