remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
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She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
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My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize