One girl and one boy is just not enough.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
