It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize