I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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