Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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