I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
