Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
worst night to have a conscience
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
