My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
