Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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