Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Let's paint friendship bongs
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
