JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
