I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I'm really busy with my period
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