a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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