i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I want to be your penis for a week.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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