Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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