I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
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I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
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And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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