his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
