hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
