I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
