did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
