someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
