considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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