i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
