I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
