working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
