So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
