Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
