I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
