i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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