the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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