32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
