You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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