She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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