I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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