Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think a kid would responsible me up
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
