I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
