All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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