I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
