Whod you bang
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize