i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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