They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
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