he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
