Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
