Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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