I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
