The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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