i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
