I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
