Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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