3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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