You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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