yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
