Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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