Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
