is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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