I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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