Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
