we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
