Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
