he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
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hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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