and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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